I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
