It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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