Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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