I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
