Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize