So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
