Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
