Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize