I'm so fucking centered right now
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
