So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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