Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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