That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
