I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
