Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
