bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
