I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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