if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize