Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
