I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
