I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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