Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
