The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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