i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
