We won't sleep together?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
