I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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