You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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