dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
