i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
