either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
