that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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