you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
