dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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