ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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