it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think your dad took our porno
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
