It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
