so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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