Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
