I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
