i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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