I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
