I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
