She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nicole vs. Life
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
