well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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