just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
40s are totally the cure
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
