I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
