Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
