on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
