she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize