What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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