Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
