I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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