quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
