"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am available for nakedness
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
