What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
