I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
