Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
