So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
