I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
