I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
