You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
