why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
