I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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