today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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