Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think my moral compass just broke
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
